I started shooting Youtube videos just over four years ago, and blogging since Novermber of 2015. I had so much conviction when i first got started that I was doing the right thing and that my videos or blog posts would help someone out there. So I shot as many videos as I could and wrote as much as I could also. I was excited and happy to be on this noble course to provide hope and faith for someone else out there who could relate to me.
Everything was great up until my confidence took a knock,, Here’s why
I stopped believing that what I did mattered
I started doing public speaking because of a childhood dream absolutely, however the second biggest reason was that when I was 16, I could have benefitted from someone coming to my school and sharing knowledge with me. You see as a young teenager, I went through a lot, from constantly fighting with my older brother, mama not having enough money at times to pay for my school fees and all of that affected how I started thinking. I became very negative and lost hope, I felt as though life was punishing me for some odd reason. So the reason I felt so passionate was because I knew that by shooting these videos and writting the blog I was reaching out to people who more or less have or are going through the same issues I did.
Somehow the energy with which I started my Youtube channel and the blog died, and before long I wasn’t shooting videos nor writting my blog any longer. Why? Because I lost the reason and meaning behind my videos and blog. I also started being demoralized when things weren’t going so well in my life because I always felt that people judge you according to your achievements and even though there are too many good things that have been happening, my focus was very distorted that and I started to focus instead on what I didn’t have. I started judging myself.
Believing in yourself cannot be a choice, It’s a must.
I started shooting videos and blogging because of this deep sense conviction and confidence that what I was doing was absolutely right and I had every right to do it from the deep sense of my core. I had had no prior experience on shooting videos or blogging, nobody told me I could do it and I needed no form of prior success as validation. I simply shot and wrote according to how I felt and it was the most amazing experience of my life.
I know we have all heard that “believe in yourself” story that most celebrities preach all the time and it almost seems cliche, but what I have come to find out is that not only is it true but what makes it even more possible to believe in yourself is the reason and meaning behind what you do. If you intend on doing a great job at whatever it is you feel passionately drawn towards, get clear about the reason and meaning behind it. Why do feel it is important to do this, and what difference does it make in the world?
Regaining my confidence hasn’t been easy, however it is through posts like these that I can be vulnerable and honest about my struggles so that if theres someone else out there on a mission to make a difference in this world somehow, can find courage in my story and pick up their faith and confidence and remember why they started their endeavor.
I have slowly dragged myself from that negative mental space and started shooting videos here and there, I have also began writting my blog weekly once again and I must say it feels good. I know that it might take me a while to get to that excited place I started out with but I know that with a consistent reminder of why I do and why it matters, I will build momentum again and before long I will be back to my full confidence.
To beleive in yourself is not a choice, it’s the only way, you will ever develop the courage to do anything.